This diary entry is based on real life events.

Dear Email Marketing diary,

About six months ago, I went for my yearly visit to Dr. E. Newsletter. He poked and prodded and checked to make sure everything was working as it should, then he sat down on his little stool, looked me straight in the eyes and asked:

"How is the plumbing?"

I blushed, made note of the nearest exit, squirmed on my seat and said, "I thought you were a marketing doctor. Since when do you ask questions about, er, uh, the pipes?"

"I'm talking about your emails dummy," he said. "Any blockage, inconsistency, irregularity or even -- constipation?"

Still too shocked to comment on his analogy, I stuttered while answering. "Uh, we send out e-newsletters. Probably about fifteen in the last year."

"What prompts you to send your messages?" he asked.

"When we have things to announce, like a few months ago one of our author's published a new book so we told all our email subscribers about it. Then a few days later we got her book signing tour dates and locations so we emailed again to let the subscribers know where they could meet her. She appeared on CNN, so of course we had to tell everyone about that, and then yesterday we announced her e-course, so we emailed everyone again."

Author: Joan Pasay